Joining Two Dots With a Line
Love makes fools of us all. Shakespeare
5 Love Relationship Questions:
- Interesting?
- Interested?
- Available?
- Accessible?
- Compatible libido?
2 Landscapes
A woman’s landscape is the world inside, a man’s landscape is the world outside.
Each is tuned to the dynamics of their own landscape, but do not understand the ground rules of the other’s landscape.
The non-negotiability of love or pain in a relationship breaks down the borders and creates an opportunity to voyage in the foreign landscape.
Unfortunately, if there is pain, this opportunity is rarely taken, as both men and women prefer to run to their gender support group to both justify their own actions and to vilify the other.
Humans are the ultimate justification machine.
A Wonderfull Opportunity
Before the Internet, there were fewer choices, and fewer dangers, on the classic Love Relationship Road from Lust, to Obsession, to Bonding. Now, that road has more choices, more dangers – and less long term happiness!
What is our strategy now?
Spend Time Together Taking out a Love Insurance Policy
Before Cohabiting
Regular meetings – each week? Each time several hours? Phones and computers must be switched off.
Take it in turns to present the most important things in ones life. A few topics, discussed in depth, are better than wasting time with superficialities and trivialities.
Never talk about the weather!
Talk About, and Share the Media that is Most Important to Each One
- Music.
- Musicals.
- Films.
- Books.
We live in such an incredible world. We can communicate our two cultures, our two generations, our two worlds, our two souls, to each other using multimedia, so we can have a much better understanding of who the other person is.
Use the sharing of media to reveal important compatibilities and incompatibilities, thus helping to avoid much future pain and suffering.
Then, if the answers to the 5 Love Relationship Questions are Yes, and compatibilities are healthy and complementary, you can decide to embark on the classic journey beginning with Pheromone triggered Lust, then drowning in Obsession, before culminating in Bonding.
Talk About our Relationships
- Past.
- Present.
- Perfect.
You Are Perfect
Saying this out loud creates a Love Insurance Policy.
It means ALL of these things:
- You have a lot of unknowns, even so, I think you are perfect;
- If you believe the other one is perfect, they will grow into that space, and become more and more perfect;
- Since you are perfect, the choices you make, and the directions you want to go in, are also perfect;
- Since you are perfect, I cannot ask you to change, in order to be “better than perfect”;
- I have no evidence for this, but maybe your “inside world” development is “perfectly” well advanced, and you could put some more energy into your “outside world” development?
- Perfect does NOT mean doing everything right! When there are the inevitable misunderstandings, or situations that went wrong, you have the Wish, and Desire, to: Recover; Grow; and Apologise if necessary!!!
Saying “You are Perfect” is a wonderful starting reference point for a Love Insurance Policy which can be cashed in at any time.
Praise The Other
Once a day, usually at the end of the day, each must praise the other for something the other has done that day, no matter how small: an act, a word, a gesture that was kind or sensitive or generous or thoughtful. The praise must be focused on that one act, not generalised. It must be genuine: it must come from the heart. And the other must learn to accept the praise.Rabbi Jonathan Sacks
Fighting “Familiarity Breeds Contempt”
A wild idea: Go out Freestyle Dancing together at least once a week, and try very hard to treat each other as strangers. Give each other the freedom to behave differently, out of character, thus avoiding the traps of “You always…” and “You never…”.
Cashing In Your Love Insurance Policy
In a healthy ongoing relationship, having said “You Are Perfect” at the beginning creates an opportunity for the other person to remind us of what we said.
The stupid partner will scream this reminder with brutality and bitterness.
The wise partner will remind us of it very softly, as an invitation for us to “Reboot” the relationship and experience again the initial starting point of Perfection and Bonding. The initial sharing of media will multiply the richness of the “re-Bonding” process.
In a relationship that ends with pain and bitterness, happy memories associated with enjoying the sharing of media at the beginning of the relationship can, for the whole post relationship future, trigger happy memories of the cultural riches that the other person brought into our life, and protect oneself from “justifiable” feelings of pain and bitterness.
Love Insurance Policy Filter Tip
Why not have breakfast before you go to bed with someone. That way, you can discover quite painlessly if you wish to spend the rest of the day with them.
It can be painful to discover, after you have gone to bed with them, that you don’t want to spend the rest of the day in their company.
